I have tested positive. I'm afraid I do not have much time.

2021.09.26 21:16 lambsaucemafia I have tested positive. I'm afraid I do not have much time.

Brothers, sisters, and non-binaries of the church; I write to you today with clammy fingers and a runny nose. I am a victim of bioterrorism; injured at the hands of unvaccinated chuds who have rejected the Good Word™ and chose to endanger their countrymen. I will prepare my will now as I can already feel a sneeze coming on.
Todd, my homely friend down at the vaccine clinic who has been thoughtfully slipping me vaccine vials free of charge; I will miss you and your charming body odor and weird requests for a sample of my urine. I want you to have my military-grade teflon N95. I only ask that you do not remove the Pfizer sticker, as that would be fashion-suicide.
Mrs. Crotchenstein, friendly neighbor who I sincerely apologize to for spray-painting “DIRTY UNVAXXED GEEZER” on your garage, I am upset that I will not live to bear the consequences of the charges you have filed against me. I am sorry for mistaking your vaccine card for a Donald Trump rally ticket. You’re a good woman, and keep your rat dog off my property if you know what’s good for you.
Chester, my wife’s boyfriend who is a pretty decent guy and also a terrific dancer, I will never forget when you generously let me watch you jackhammer my wife’s poop chute on New Years Eve. There were many balls dropped that night, but your graceful dick-down of my beloved wife changed the way I view sex. It is an art form. I became a man that day, so thank you. I leave to you the keys to her butt house.
My wife, you heartless slag, mother of my child; I will never forgive you for shacking up with your unvaxxed chadster boyfriend Justin and underselling the size of my penis in front of our son. If you so much as look in the direction of my baby boy or take your plague rat boy-toy near him; I will rise from the dead and speedbag the both of you before taking a fat ghostly dump on your chests. You have been warned. Love you.
And finally, Brayden, my wittle cinnamon biscuit, you are the man of the house now. It pains me that I will not see my elite soy genetics manifest themselves into the neurotic basket-case of a man you will one day be. Remember what daddy told you; if you take off your mask Santa will not bring you gifts, and will likely feed you to his hungry reindeer. Only the good little masked boys and girls get presents; the rest? Well, let's just say you’re not getting that tricycle you’ve been wanting. Daddy loves you, my special little helper, and if you see Mommy’s car pull up call the number that I left on the fridge. You will be rescued.
Look to your left, now look to your right; chances are, there are no people sitting next to you. But if there were, you can bet one of them isn’t fully vaccinated (per CDC statistics). Because of this, my killer Soy cells are engaged in an epic battle of the ages to rid my body of the foul pestilence, and my head hurts a little bit.
BAN THE UNVACCINATED! BAN THEM ALL! FAUCI (MBUH), GIVE ME STRENGTH! A-CHOO!!
submitted by lambsaucemafia to ChurchOfCOVID [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Intercourse4Cash Trump endorsed her opponent and she still is kissing his ass. What a pathetic fool! She spends so much time at Trump's zipper her tongue is orange

Trump endorsed her opponent and she still is kissing his ass. What a pathetic fool! She spends so much time at Trump's zipper her tongue is orange submitted by Intercourse4Cash to Trumpvirus [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 ShortAlgo $IBA Waiting for Buy signal,

$IBA Waiting for Buy signal, submitted by ShortAlgo to UltraAlgo [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Positive_Beginning81 Interesting perks for Mercenary/Information broker jumper

Do you know any interesting or unusual perks or items that could be useful? Obviously you would need some peak human, martial artist and marksman perks and some kind of spy network, but what other perks/items could be used in interesting ways? Or what companions would be thematic? Only mercenary I really know about is Deathstroke but I have no idea how would my jumper convince him to join him on his journey.
submitted by Positive_Beginning81 to JumpChain [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 MoistTowelette9515 Herome5 remix

Hello, I’m getting ready to upgrade my ender 3 v2 to double 5015 fans, and a 4020 for part cooling, I also have a bltouch, does anybody know what parts they used for yours or maybe a good remix? Thank you!
submitted by MoistTowelette9515 to 3Dprinting [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 ShortAlgo $IBEX Waiting for Buy signal ,

$IBEX Waiting for Buy signal , submitted by ShortAlgo to UltraAlgo [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 DarkArmpitSmell Kriti Sanon

Kriti Sanon submitted by DarkArmpitSmell to FleshyArmpits [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Chewynobi I would like help with finding a new cage

I know i want a big one, and one that is sturdy. I dont know what to look for though because my chinchilla chews everything. Any recommendations for a nice cage for him? BTW i only have one chinchilla
submitted by Chewynobi to chinchilla [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 baguetteworld Has anyone with curly and bleached/damaged hair used this Ziaja concentrated smoothing hair mask? How does it compare to Pantene?

Has anyone with curly and bleached/damaged hair used this Ziaja concentrated smoothing hair mask? How does it compare to Pantene? submitted by baguetteworld to EuroSkincare [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Awesome_Captain101 Which is better, the helicopter or plane?

Mainly want to know which is faster and which is worth more for the bucks you pay.
View Poll
submitted by Awesome_Captain101 to AdoptMeTrading [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 GreatSpaceBeaver My attempt at drawing Hitch

My attempt at drawing Hitch submitted by GreatSpaceBeaver to mylittlepony [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Rishabh_bhaskar Xo Tour Life (slowed) you are in your washroom while it's raining heavily outside...

Xo Tour Life (slowed) you are in your washroom while it's raining heavily outside... submitted by Rishabh_bhaskar to SlowedAndReverb [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 zindamurda Croqumbuche round 2

Croqumbuche round 2 submitted by zindamurda to Baking [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 emogonk Epic title

Epic title submitted by emogonk to DuelLinks [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 ShortAlgo $IBOC Waiting for Short signal ,

$IBOC Waiting for Short signal , submitted by ShortAlgo to UltraAlgo [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 wushaolin3636 not zkittlez but got the 🌈 in here #gelato

submitted by wushaolin3636 to cannabiscultivation [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 dashingforcash .

submitted by dashingforcash to diablo2 [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 pleasedontfollowm3-4 Elsa Couturier

Elsa Couturier submitted by pleasedontfollowm3-4 to womenworship [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 EEEEEEEEEKKCCHH This is my son

submitted by EEEEEEEEEKKCCHH to lies [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 swedonnaise Best comp unm team?

Currently using duchess, deacon, altan, geo, fb
Brutal 1 key 35-38M
NM 2 key 27-28 / key
So which comp has most potential?
submitted by swedonnaise to RaidShadowLegends [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 ShortAlgo $IBTX Waiting for Short signal ,

$IBTX Waiting for Short signal , submitted by ShortAlgo to UltraAlgo [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 Heercamelot [H] Karambit Slaughter ST MW [W] Karambit Tiger Tooth FN

https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffenew/?partner=121310220&token=JJP5URGF
No begging otherwise Block b/o
submitted by Heercamelot to GlobalOffensiveTrade [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 JDM1905 Anyone else stuck in a division?

Playing division rivals, I'm now stuck in division 8. I haven't won a game in like 8 games but it won't relegate me back to 9 or 10. I'm not good enough to win any games yet I'm just stuck where I am
submitted by JDM1905 to FIFA22 [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 saksocukazim Bu Twitter ne ayak amınakoyim dava etsem kazanırım mq

Bu Twitter ne ayak amınakoyim dava etsem kazanırım mq submitted by saksocukazim to KGBTR [link] [comments]


2021.09.26 21:16 WTV009 Sykepleiere må registrere når de går på do: - Dette er hårreisende behandling

Sykepleiere må registrere når de går på do: - Dette er hårreisende behandling submitted by WTV009 to norge [link] [comments]


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